Crossing Paths – A Julianne Story

Julianne as a toddler

I was a three-year-old boy in Albuquerque New Mexico when she was born in Mesa, Arizona. By the time she was five, I was on my way to Dallas, Texas with my family. By the time she was ten, I was learning the ropes as a junior high student in the Denver area. As she grew to the age of 15 and had begun her high school years, I had already traveled to Bozeman, Great Falls and was a senior in high school in Murray, Utah. By this time, she had become a very talented violinist. I had learned the saxophone.

She grew up in the same home most of her life with her loving family and her many friends throughout her elementary, junior high and high school days. I had moved often and always had to find new friends new places.

Julianne as a young girl (look at those curls)

The Bateman family early on.  Julianne on the left.

Julianne at Church Camp with friends (I think she is the one in front)

She was born in raised into her church, the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Not me. Through all of these years I went from being born Catholic, being raised a Jewish boy for the first few years, then attending Jehovah’s Witness Kingdom Halls, and ultimately finding my way into the same church as her

As she was studying hard in high school, I had made my way to Japan to serve as a missionary for the Church.

Bateman Siblings

By the time I returned home, she had graduated high school and made her way to Brigham Young University. I had returned from Japan and also made my way to Brigham Young University. We both had hopes and dreams.

It was not until the fall of 1978, about 40 years ago, that our paths finally crossed. It’s really funny how things happen like this.

My old 1963 yucky green Volkswagen bug had died on me as I prepare to head to work as shoe salesman at JC Penney in Orem, Utah. I made my way to a bus stop so that I could get to work. I needed my job. That day, she also made her way to the bus stop to go to work. She too worked at JCPenney, in the little café, as a waitress. Even then, while working at the same place, our paths never crossed until this auspicious day in the fall of 1978. Having never ridden the bus to work, I did not know what the bus schedule was, but found that as I arrived at the bus stop, I missed the bus. She arrived just a couple minutes later only to find out for me, that she too had missed the bus. But, as fate would have it, I was enamored by this pretty young lady with long flowing brown hair and a gleaming smile who I just miss this bus with me. 

Our first photo together ca. 1978

She was friendly, and called one of her roommates to come pick us up to take us to work. I was grateful for that. But, I was also in love. Instantaneously in love. I knew at the moment we met at the bus stop, she was the one.  But I was shy, yes, an outgoing person, but shy in terms of the opposite sex. She too was somewhat shy, but friendly.  Interestingly enough, we did not introduce ourselves as this was just a chance meeting where our paths have crossed and she was being helpful to get me to the same location she had to go to anyway.

My interest was piqued as I knew she worked in the same place. Soon I was visiting the little café on a daily basis to order cherry cheesecake. My real reason was to observe this fine young lady whose name I still did not know.

Julianne ca. 1978

Then, one day I went in and she was gone. She had left to return home to Arizona. My glimmer of hope had disappeared. And I still did not know her name!

I spent the holiday in Utah wondering about her and if she would return and if I would ever see her again. I made my way down to Jemez Springs, New Mexico to celebrate Christmas with the remnants of my family. Divorce had happened. Challenges happened for my siblings. But, for once, we did get all together to celebrate the one day.

But this story is about Julianne…not me.

I returned to Provo late in December and continued my job. She was not there. She never did return to JCPenney.

School began again and it was back to search mode for me as I strived to find my soulmate. And then it happened! In the midst of the very crowded student center at BYU, I heard a “Hey you!“ called out. I looked. It was her! She had returned and our paths crossed again!! At that point, she did not know my name and I did not know hers. But I made sure this time that would not happen again. I gave her my name, I got her name and her phone number and the rest is history.

Marriage Photo….one of the happiest days of my life

Over the years, this birthday girl who is born when I was three just a few hundred miles away from me, became my wife and the mother of our five children. It was not easy. I took many hours of school and worked. She was left home alone almost all the time to raise these young children. I helped when I could, but she took the biggest load on her shoulders and that continued for many years.

Julianne and me with our first three…all girls..(L to R) Amaree, Chelsea and Marissa.  Julianne made the dresses

Julianne Bateman was now my wife and was an exceptional mother to our children. Unlike many married couples, we had our times of separation for long periods of time. These were job related and not relationship related. 

Family in Japan in late 1980s

I can safely say that my schooling and work was a form of separation, but at least I tried to be home most evenings to spend time with her. She was the love of my life. And I adored our children.

Family Fun

Now together, we eventually made our way to Flagstaff where our first three children were born and I struggled through school and jobs. After graduation, we moved down to “the valley” to attend school in Tempe at Arizona State University where I would seek my masters degree. Once again, I was almost always gone while she stayed home and took care of the children.

Family in Japan in 1987.  We lived in this building.

Our first real extended separation happened in 1987 when I had an opportunity to go to Japan to work. I left in July and left her alone for nearly a month with our children. At this time we had four children and she was pregnant with her fifth and, bless her heart, she had to fly to Japan alone with those children. She flew via soul Korea and their flight was late and she missed the flight to Nagoya and Fukuoka. She was stuck in a foreign country, pregnant with four little children. Ultimately, the next day she did make her way into Japan and I was able to meet her and we had a joyous reunion.

The family in Japan

But, Julianne did not speak the language and I was always gone to work. Once again, she was left alone most of the time to deal with the challenges of life in a foreign country where she did not understand language, the customs or even the ways to purchase food. But she was strong, and she learned and she excelled.

Taking care of children in Japan. She is with Seth and Marissa here.

She had to have her fifth child in a foreign country. She had to deal with a child who got severely burned and had to go spend a few days in a Japanese hospital. She had to manage all of these things on her own predominately due to my work.

We finally made it back to the United States in 1991. It was a challenging time for us as finding potential employment was difficult. After nine months of searching, I finally found a temporary job in Kentucky and once again, I had to leave her alone with five children. But this time, it was for eight months. This was before the days of cell phones, or FaceTime. Our only form of communication was a regular telephone, once a day. But she courageously struggled through that time while I worked far away to provide for our family. During that eight months, I only returned home once, during the holidays, for three or four days and then had to return to Kentucky.

The family visiting Mesa, AZ

Finally, in 1992 we were all able to be together again in Kentucky. But it was not the last time that separation would happen. Jobs came and went, and I eventually worked for eight months living Woodstock, Ontario. Once again, I left her alone to take care of things. By this time three of our children were already married and we had grandchildren. Only one of our children remained at home. She too had a job.

The years after our children left, the empty nest years, I have finally been able to see this sweet lady who has stuck with me for all these years blossom and become her self. For all these many years, she has sacrificed to take care of children, often times alone for long periods of time.

Our family in Lexington, KY around 1995 or 1996

Julianne, who celebrates her birthday this day, is strong and determined. For those many years raising children and being alone or having to get through all of the things that have to be done as a mother, she never got to be herself like she wanted.

Always happy

The whole family in prime form – July 2017 — includes all ten grandchildren and 4 spouses

I am proud of her and am thrilled to see her finally have the opportunity, like a century plant, to finally get her day blossoming. Becoming the beautiful and strong person that she now is and having to have withheld that for all of these years, Has probably been very difficult for her.

Julianne with our five children on my 60th birthday

Julianne and sisters November 2018 – (L-R – Maren, Kathy, Laura, Julianne)

Through all of this, from the day where our paths crossed 40 years ago, there are times where I worry that our paths are separating again. Not because of hate, or desire to separate, but because she has finally had the opportunity to be independent and blossom on her own and find her self. We are a new stage where we must find that sweet spot in our paths that helps us have that crossing again.

Julianne at her birthday celebration in Nov. 2018. (Look at those curls again!)

This person is the love of my life. I am so grateful for her. So honored that she would have me stick with me and sacrifice all these years for the benefit of our children. She is a fun-loving joyous soul who has blessed my life beyond description. I can only pray and hope for more joyous years together with my sweet Julianne who celebrates her birthday this day.  I am so glad our paths crossed all those years ago.

Julianne and David – Nov 4, 2018

Countdown 365: #304 – Joe Kravetz, My Adoptive Father

Joe Kravetz with David, ca. 1959

Joe Kravetz with David, ca. 1959 in Albuquerque, NM

Today is the 82nd birthday of Joseph Daniel Kravetz (born 4 December 1933), my adoptive father.  Adoption is the act of legally placing a child with parents (or parent) who are not its natural parents. As I have noted in other posts in the pasts, I have effectively have two sets of parents — my natural parents (Joe Laurienzo and Orene Goldberg, aka Jennierose Lavender) and my adoptive parents (Joe Kravetz and Marjorie Tudor). Of these four, Joe Kravetz had a major and long term role raising me as his adopted child from about age 2 to age 17 and then, of course, has always had the role of my father, despite any ups and downs we have had over the years.  I am truly grateful to him for all of the sacrifices he made in the challenge of raising me.  Much of who I was came from him and my adoptive mother Marge.

Joe Kravetz with his father Alexander in the early 1950s

Joe Kravetz with his father Alexander in the early 1950s

Joe Kravetz was the third of four children born to Jewish immigrants Alexander Kravetz and Jessica Evelson.  (Ironically, my real father Joe Laurienzo was also a child of Italian immigrants and my natural mother Orene was a child of German/Lithuanian Jewish immigrants). Joe was born in 1932 in Ossining, NY and spent all of his youth growing up there.  His father Alexander emigrated to the United States on the ship George Washington, which departed from Bremen, Germany on 20 July 1914 and arrived in New York on 3 August 1914.  Family tradition says that Alexander walked with a couple of others form his home in Minsk, Russia (now Belarus) to Bremen, Germany where they got on the boat.  They left to escape persecution (think “Fiddler on the Roof” — in fact, Alexander was a tailor!!)

Minsk (currently in Belorus) to Bremen, Germany is about 770 miles

Minsk (currently in Belarus) to Bremen, Germany is about 770 miles

Jessica Kravetz in the 1960s

Jessica Kravetz in the 1960s

Joe’s mother Jessica Evelson (probably spelled Jewelson) also left from Bremen.  She came from Vilnius, Lithuania and arrived in Philadelphia on 4 August 1913 on the USS Neckar.

JoeKKindergaten1938a

Joe Kravetz in Kindergarten ca. 1938. I believe he is the one on the right in the middle row with the white shirt and white shorts and curly black hair.

I don’t have many photos of him as a young.  The photo on the right is the oldest photo I have of him.

He has always had black curly hair and this picture sure shows that head of hair.

He had an older brother Louis, who is still alive and doing well in Houston, Texas. His older sister Evelyn Levy (she married Gordon Levy) was born on November 29th, 1931 and died April 28th, 2005 in Tarrytown, NY.  He also has a younger sister Sylvia who lives in Silver Spring, MD.

Over the years I had numerous opportunities to meet them and many of their children, my cousins through adoption.

Joe never talked much about his life growing up in New York. There was much pain in the family because many of Alexander’s and Jessica’s family lost their lives in the early purges of the 1920s and 30s and then later in the German holocaust of World War II.  I am sure that life had to be tough growing up.

Joe Kravetz in fifth grade in 1944.

Joe Kravetz fifth grade class in 1944. I am assuming he is the one in front on the left

Joe with his brother Lou in 1957

Joe with his brother Lou in 1957

Joe and siblings: (L-R) Sylvia, Joe, Evelyn and Lou.

Joe and siblings: (L-R) Sylvia, Joe, Evelyn and Lou in October 1997, Tarrytown, NY

My life with Joe Kravetz began in December 1958 when he married my natural mother Orene Goldberg.  Just about one year earlier, Orene left my natural father Joe Laurienzo.  She returned to her home in Albuquerque, NM as her staunchly Jewish mother wanted her to marry a nice Jewish boy.  Naturally, as a young child of two I didn’t have any say in the matter.  No blame is being made here…things happen and the fact that I ended up being the adoptive son to Joe Kravetz was, in many respects, a blessing to my life as it put me on the path to where I am now.  Had I stayed in Cleveland, my life would have taken an entirely different direction!! Following is a clip from the Albuquerque Journal in Dec. 1958 (today was the first time I have ever seen this!!!)

Newspaper clipping announcing the wedding of Orene and Joe (Albuquerque Journal 19 Dec 1958)

Newspaper clipping announcing the wedding of Orene and Joe (Albuquerque Journal 19 Dec 1958)

Photo from Joe and Orene Wedding 21 Dec. 1958

Photo from Joe and Orene Wedding 21 Dec. 1958 – Don’t know all of the people in this photo, but Joe and Orene are in the middle.  To Joe’s right is Marion Goldberg and her husband Ralph Goldberg (my natural grandparents). To Orene’s left is grandmother Jessica Kravetz, brother Louis Kravetz.  I believe that the gal on her knees in front of Orene is her sister Maxine.  I think that the one to Maxine’s right is Joe’s sister Sylvia (I believe).

JoeKMilitaryFrom 1954 to 1956 Joe Kravetz served in the US Army as a radio operator.  He did his basic training at Ft. Hood and then was assigned to a facility in Albuquerque. He was discharged in 1956 but then served in the reserves.  Indeed, one of my earliest memories as a child was him coming home to our small duplex in his uniform with a duffel bag.

I don’t know much more about his military service, but do know that is how he made his way to Albuquerque in the first place. And, as a member of the synagogue there, he was ultimately introduced to and married Orene in 1958 and was apparently happy to inherit a son as part of the package.

Joe Kravetz on a visit to New York ca. 1959

Joe Kravetz on a visit to New York ca. 1959

Hanging with Joe Kravetz around 1962??

Hanging with Joe Kravetz around 1962??

I don’t have many memories of those early years.  I know that eventually, Joe made his way in to retail, working for Payless Drugs in Albuquerque. In July 1960, he and Orene had a child, my half-brother, Aaron.

I do know that Joe loved to take drives to the mountains and see the scenery.  He was also an avid hiker.  He also liked to take pictures.  Fortunately, we have lots of photos of the kids growing up.

However, he was gone a lot due to work and so time with him was rare. And soon it became worse as he and Orene got divorced in 1961 and I was again without a parent.  Aaron and I were left with babysitters most of the time in 1961 and 1962 as he worked as a single parent to raise us…a rarity in the early 1960s. (Note: an interesting article I came across noted that 1960, only about 32 million Americans, 18 and older, were single (either divorced or widowed or always-single). That was 28 percent of the adult population. By 2013, there were 105 million single Americans, accounting for 44 percent of the adult population.)

Playing with Dad in the 1960s

Playing with Dad in the 1960s

Joe Kravetz late 1950s

Joe Kravetz late 1950s

Joe eventually met and married Marjorie Tudor on 13 October 1962.  She was a divorced single mother with a son, Danny, who was only 2 weeks younger then me. So, we were then a family of 5.  We got a house in what was then called Snow Vista (in the NE Heights of Albuquerque just off of Route 66).  By this time Joe was doing well with Payless Drugs (which by then had become Skaggs Drug).  Here are a few photos of Joe over the years.

As can be seen in the photo on the right, he was a handsome man in the 1950s.  Very active and rail thin, which he has been throughout his life.

I have no idea what his aspirations were for life back in the 1950s and not sure how his marriage to Orene and taking on the role of a father changed things for his future.  He never kept a journal and didn’t talk much about those kinds of things, so I am afraid we’ll never know for sure.

Joe in the 1950s doing what he liked best...hiking

Joe in the 1950s doing what he liked best…hiking

Joe Kravetz around 1959

Joe Kravetz around 1959

Joe Kravetz on Long's Peak in Rocky Mountain National Park. He took me on this hike

Joe Kravetz on Long’s Peak in Rocky Mountain National Park. He took me on this hike

Joe with David in 1958, soon after he became my adoptive father

Joe with David in 1958, soon after he became my adoptive father

Joe in Denver, probably on a hike in the Rocky Mountains, ca. 1968

Joe in Denver, probably on a hike in the Rocky Mountains, ca. 1968 (That was his favorite sweater)

Joe with David, Aaron and Danny in 1963 or 64 (in Albuquerque)

Joe with David, Aaron and Danny in 1962 or 63 (in Albuquerque)

By 1964 Marge and Joe had my brother Gary. We were then off to Dallas.  Not long after that he was transferred to Denver, where, eventually, my youngest sibling, my sister Sherry, was born. (Even by this time I was still not aware that I had been adopted)

Joe Kravetz with David, Gary, Aaron and Danny in Dallas in 1964

Joe Kravetz with David, Gary, Aaron and Danny in Dallas in 1964

Sherry and Gary with Dad in 1974

Sherry and Gary with Dad in 1974 (Gotta love those socks!!)

Joe and Marge in 1978 in Jemez Springs, NM. By this time they were divorced but posed for this photo.

Joe and Marge in 1978 in Jemez Springs, NM. By this time they were divorced but posed for this photo.

Dad and me on a hike in the Jemez Mountains in New Mexico in 1978, shortly after I returned from my LDS Mission to Japan

Dad and me on a hike in the Jemez Mountains in New Mexico in 1978, shortly after I returned from my LDS Mission to Japan

Joe with my siblings Aaron, Gary and Sherry in the 1990s

Joe with my siblings Aaron, Gary and Sherry in January 1992

After more transfers to Great Falls and Bozeman in Montana and then to Sat Lake City (Murray) in Utah, things had gotten challenging.  Both Mom and Dad worked to keep the family together, but they didn’t see eye to eye on much.  I eventually left the house and joined the LDS Church and left on a mission. To this day I am of the opinion that God had prepared a way for me to get to Salt Lake and join the church and that this relationship with Joe was the mode of transport to get me there.  No sooner was I gone and he was transferred to a store in Northridge, CO (by this time Skaggs had become Osco Drug).  He and Marge were soon divorced and she went to Jemez Springs, where she had grown up, and took Gary and Sherry with her.  Aaron went with Dad.  Danny, who had mental retardation, was in a group home in Las Vegas, NM.

Joe hamming it up in front of Osaka Castle with my wife Julianne in 1990

Joe hamming it up in front of Osaka Castle with my wife Julianne in 1990

By 1979 I was married and in college.  Julianne and I made our way to Flagstaff and then, by 1984 we were in Mesa, where I attended graduate school at Arizona State.  All of that time I tried to stay in touch with my Dad. Then in 1987 we went to Japan and were fortunate enough for him to visit.  He had never really been to a foreign country before, so this was a big adventure for him.

Visiting the Gold Pavilion in Kyoto in 1990

Visiting the Gold Pavilion in Kyoto, Japan in 1990

In his later years, after retiring from Osco, we did keep in touch, but after his Japan visit, he rarely got to see his grandchildren. But, I do have a few shots of him with the grandkids.  The major opportunity came on a family reunion in New York in 1997.

Joe Kravetz with grandkids in 1989...Amaree, Solomon, Seth, Marissa and Chelsea

Joe Kravetz with grandkids in 1989…Amaree, Solomon, Seth, Marissa and Chelsea (in Mesa, AZ when we visited for the holidays from Japan)

Joe with family in 1997 in Tarrytown, NY

Joe with family in 1997 in Tarrytown, NY – Back row – Julianne, sister Sherry, Joe and me.  Front row – Marissa, Chelsea, Amaree, Seth and Solomon

Joe with kids at Cumberland Gap on Kentucky/Tennessee border

Joe with kids at Cumberland Gap on Kentucky/Tennessee border with Solomon, Chelsea and Seth (ca 1993)

Joe with my sister Sherry, her husband Brian and me and Julianne, Christmas 2012

Joe with my sister Sherry, her husband Brian and me and Julianne, Christmas 2012

By the mid 2000s Julianne and I were becoming grandparents ourselves, which meant Joe was becoming a great grandfather. By this time, unbeknownst to us (and perhaps even himself), he was in the early stages of dementia.  Living in San Antonio, TX and working for Barnes and Noble, he had a lonely life. He had become almost hermitlike in existence and I could never get him to even notice that he had great grandchildren.  For a number of years I was bothered by his seeming indifference.  Finally, on a visit to Texas 2011, I was able to see his condition first hand.  And it has gotten worse since then.  But, thanks to my sister Sherry, we were blessed with a visit by her family, along with Dad, during the Christmas holiday in 2012. Joe finally got to see his great grandchildren for the first time…all nine of them at that time (there are 10 now)

Joe with his great grandchildren, plus his granddaughter Savannah (Sherry's daughter) in Dec. 2012

Joe with his great grandchildren, plus his granddaughter Savannah (Sherry’s daughter) in Dec. 2012

Four generations of Kravetz...a rare photo - Seth, Rockwell, David and Joe... Dec. 2012

Four generations of Kravetz…a rare photo – Seth, Rockwell, David and Joe… Dec. 2012

Joe with his then youngest great grandchild Benson Matthews in December 2012

Joe with his then youngest great grandchild Benson Matthews in December 2012

Joe Kravetz 2012

Joe Kravetz 2012

Joe Kravetz in 2014

Joe Kravetz in 2014

Between 2012 and 2014 I made a couple of other visits to Texas and had occasion to see my Dad.  Once was another Kravetz family reunion in Galveston. Joe had become more aloof and unkempt and, for the first time in my recollection, had actually grown a beard.

His teeth were cracked, his toenails were long.  His memory was going (and still is). But he did look classy in a beard, in all honesty.

A selfie with Dad taken in Keller, Texas in July 2014

A selfie with Dad taken in Keller, Texas in July 2014

Dad and me in 1997 in New York

Dad and me in 1997 in New York

Now, as he turns 82, he is in a nursing home. A few months ago he fell (not the first time) and this time destroyed his hips.  He is probably laid up for the remainder of his life as the healing process is not going well. Sherry tells me he can watch TV but no longer knows how to use the remote to change the channel.  It is sad seeing someone essentially wither away.  My sister Sherry is to be praised for taking care of him the last decade or so.  But it got too hard.  He needed a watchful eye 24/7 and she couldn’t do that.

Joe Kravetz in Cumberland Gap

Joe Kravetz in Cumberland Gap

I am grateful to Joe Kravetz for all of the sacrifices he has made.  In many respects, he has had a challenging life, from the days of his youth through his three marriages, difficult children (at times) and then his health challenges.

I am certain that if not for him, I would not be where I am with my lovely wife of 36 years, my 5 awesome children and my 10 wonderful grandchildren.  None of that would have happened, at least not the way it is now, had it not been for him marrying my natural mother Orene and setting the ball in motion and then continuing on that path with Marge. Despite any differences and friction we may have had over the years, I can honestly say I love Dad, appreciate him and am grateful for his enduring spirit.  He has truly been a blessing in my life and I want the world to know.